Time and Numbers...
I am not entirely sure why I called this post what I did... I guess that both of these things have become pressing in my life in recent weeks and I cannot seem to separate myself from them as much as I try to.
After stepping into this course in 2006 and thinking that 3 years would take forever to pass, I have been rudely awakened to the fact that time goes faster the further that you proceed into life. I have decisions to make, and fairly big ones at that, as to what I am going to do next year. Ideally I would love to become independent and not constrained by the system and politics but there are obviously the realities of finances and social aspects of my life that I have to consider.
I have options and I am going to keep them open because I know all too well that planning months, weeks or even days ahead is pointless as time has it that things can change and do change in an instant.
The most positive thing is that I am well on my way to completing the requirements of the course and will not be impeded in anyway by the 'numbers'. As much as I hate saying that word, it is a reality that at the end of it all, it has become about a number on a piece of paper. Nevermind that these numbers are women and families who have needs and wants and a wish to be respected. It is one of the most awkward of things to be asked - 'what number am I?' by a woman in labour and even harder to try and take away the focus of it being as such. Unfortunately, it is a result of the way this course is structured and the high demands they place on us. At the same time I whinge about it, I am glad that the numbers are higher than they have been in previous years because I am feeling better prepared and more able to step out with at least some confidence in my judgement and abilities.
And then there is the race against time... If something unforeseeable happens and I don't get my numbers its going to impact on what decision I make in the short term. Seems fitting in that the entire concept of that race is a constant element of birth and the length of time that a woman is allowed to birth. It is becoming less and less.
I cannot wait to finally be qualified, to make an impact on midwifery and more importantly on the women and families that I work with. I love what I do and I love the reality of the challenges that I am going to face however sucky the politics are going to be.
After stepping into this course in 2006 and thinking that 3 years would take forever to pass, I have been rudely awakened to the fact that time goes faster the further that you proceed into life. I have decisions to make, and fairly big ones at that, as to what I am going to do next year. Ideally I would love to become independent and not constrained by the system and politics but there are obviously the realities of finances and social aspects of my life that I have to consider.
I have options and I am going to keep them open because I know all too well that planning months, weeks or even days ahead is pointless as time has it that things can change and do change in an instant.
The most positive thing is that I am well on my way to completing the requirements of the course and will not be impeded in anyway by the 'numbers'. As much as I hate saying that word, it is a reality that at the end of it all, it has become about a number on a piece of paper. Nevermind that these numbers are women and families who have needs and wants and a wish to be respected. It is one of the most awkward of things to be asked - 'what number am I?' by a woman in labour and even harder to try and take away the focus of it being as such. Unfortunately, it is a result of the way this course is structured and the high demands they place on us. At the same time I whinge about it, I am glad that the numbers are higher than they have been in previous years because I am feeling better prepared and more able to step out with at least some confidence in my judgement and abilities.
And then there is the race against time... If something unforeseeable happens and I don't get my numbers its going to impact on what decision I make in the short term. Seems fitting in that the entire concept of that race is a constant element of birth and the length of time that a woman is allowed to birth. It is becoming less and less.
I cannot wait to finally be qualified, to make an impact on midwifery and more importantly on the women and families that I work with. I love what I do and I love the reality of the challenges that I am going to face however sucky the politics are going to be.
Labels: Midwifery, Random Thoughts
posted by lovebubs at
3:51 PM
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